Typing.…
You’re online.
I’m online.
We’re on…line.
Connected for a brief moment through a virtual reality
Our retinas reflect each others words.
I feel closer to you. I pine.
I somehow feel a flutter at the thought of you looking at your phone as I look at mine.
And yet… you’re not texting me.
I texted you.
My words were the last to know.
Still sitting their perched under your words
Dangling their feet in the empty space below.
So…why won’t you text me back?
Were my words not good enough?
Did the way I worded my words wear you off or worry you?
Perhaps I was too forward.
Perhaps it’s all too new.
Perhaps I’m being silly
You must be busy
Or you’re simply thinking about me too…
You’re still online.
I want to be where you are.
Want to sit right beside you holding hands with our hand helds
OFFLINE
I’ll stay here for a little while longer
Hover in this still born connection till it turns and breathes again to..
Typing…
I see you.
Typing..
I anticipate.
I wait.
My finger lingers over the light glow of my technological extension
Contemplating its next move, my mind an open glove in pursuit of that thought you’re about to drop and once you do I’ll make sure to put you in that waiting room too before my status turns to…
Typing…
You stop. You start..
You change with the status.
Typing… online…typing..online…typing… online…
Last seen today at 23:54.
Nothing. A connection gone with a flick of a finger.
It’s that easy. I’m left disconnected in my connection. Connecting dots in my mind with whys, wondering what happened. I lost you again.
I miss the days when our conversations would flow
We’d bounce back and forth like ping pongs on heat.
Our fingers tapping to steady tempos translating transient thoughts.
While always always..typing..
We’d type from morning till night.
I’d text you from today
You’d text me from yesterday.
Time was left impotent
Our fingers were our foreplay
Skipping through the alphabet to our heartbeats
Hardly thinking about what next to say
Rousing smiles with each send.
Sharing videos, music, pictures and poetry
Either way
We’d be typing.…
These days
Our love lays at our fingertips.
We tap screens to communicate our desires
Expect fires to grow in the vacuum of an app
And although sparks may fly, they die by a simple
Tap.
Love
Love, it doesn’t last so long
Before you know it, it’s gone
Whichever way it hits
It leaves you in a ditch and
You think to hell with all this kitch that you were previously pitching with
Then you’re at a dead end
Once again on the mend
Wondering what next love parcel cupid might send and
You become embittered for a while
The sour after taste of the relationship waste
Hardens your smile and clenches your teeth and
With every next soul you may meet
You breathe in sharp, the air around you remains tart
Tasting of what was
But then perhaps at some point the tart becomes sweet and
You decide to stay between the sheets
Surprisingly seduced, shaken, not stirred
By a new kind of human beat
And then you find
You voluntarily leave those old suitcases behind
And you let dust settle, carpeting the memory of the former,
You begin packing for the new
And you know you can’t predict what you might find
Know that this. may.be.it.
Just another connection current passing through
Another one for free for that L.O.V.E.
To whisk you about for a while but never quite going that extra mile to
Complete you
But what if completion
Is just a depletion
A pre-ordained fiction
You project on your expectation of
The other
And so what if you got it all wrong
This wayward love song
This you do not do the things you do properly
You do not do what I want you to
You do not do anything new so that doing doings doesn't do it for me
Do you see?
See me? See me. See, see, see
See yourself for awhile
And maybe in some way
You’ll see that its all o.k.
And if its not yet then it will be
And maybe if you discard those seeking spring feathers
Sing for yourself today
Learn to love what loving does
And love love, not the idea of love
Love and breathe in deep its warm fumes surrounding you
Love and feel it oozing, living, growing deep inside of you
Love and see it in the things you do
Love you too
Then love another
When your heart is open
Your expectations broken
And you have spoken those words with every token of your being
I LOVE MYSELF
I LOVE MYSLEF
I LOVE
Blue
You, Blue
Stick to my two
Shoulders you
Drape me in your hue, Blue
So that all I feel is blue through
You, Blue
All I am is
you, Blue
I like your like
I like your like
And I like how alike
Your likeness is to me
I like that you liked that likable like
I presented to thee
I like even more that that like came for free
I wonder if you liked my likes
Because you really like me
Or maybe you just like
Because others liked and so you follow and see
I’d follow you in a heartbeat
I’d stamp my likes all over your likes
And like that I liked your likes
I'd like every change you make
Every photo you take
Every quote you place or deface.
I’d like every update you create
And make sure to make my own update too.
I’d like every new “tag” you’d do
Hope you’d “tag” me and I’d tag you
I’d like the songs you’d post
Knowing that from then on..
Those songs likened you
I’d like it if you “poked” me and giggle when I’d “poke" you back.
I’d squeal and squirm if you placed posts on my wall
Painting my profile with your name.
I’d like it most if you sent a “private message” to me
Perhaps asking me out for tea…
I’d like it if I could see you
And not just the latest video of you
I’d like it if I could feel you
The warmth behind the poke
A hand made out of flesh and blood
Not an outline of a blue finger icon
..is that so wrong?
I’d like to hear your voice
Responding to me voice,
Expressing our likes through our eyes
Without the glaring screen disguise…
I’d like that
Because I really like you
But for now, I’ll just like
What likens you
And like when you like things that I do..
Hoping that someday you may
Really, like
me too
The grains of time
Those grains of time
confine what’s mine
into something which was never really there
into something which laid bare
is all you ever wanted
and all you never had
Maybe time is a fad
it passes us by as quickly as more time replaces it
so that we can’t recall the last
The past is the past
each grain drops down
the looking glass
to the steady beat of a clock
and we watch it fall below
those grains we so desperately
fumble to collect and posses
yet we still ask
where does the time go
For what good is grasping at grains
when we know that all is fleeting
when we know that as long as our hearts keep beating grains
fall from the ceiling and
every breath...
is a step
and every breath...
is a step
and every breath that we take
is something we create
exhaling grains
inhaling dust
into our veins
the remnants of moments
those moments
we are victim to
those moments
break our hearts in two
because we know we can’t keep them
because what good is grasping at grains
and what good is trying to pretend
that time mends and
sends those grains to a place for safe keeping
because we can’t put a lid on the past
and we can’t take hold of air
we can only keep breathing grains
and pray that they
might one day
last
I sat at the window
I sat at the window
I sat at the window and waited
I sat at the window and waited for
I sat at the window and waited for
The days decay
I wanted to know if the day by day
Would stay the same way
As any other day
But without me in it
I wanted to see if the sun would set
If the light would tease the tops of buildings
And titillate its way down each reflection
Till the day’s rays would reach their earthy tomb and swiftly
get replaced with the artificial auras of the night
So I sat at the window and waited
So I sat at the window and waited for
A change
A change in the robotic core of this city
The back back and forth and forth
Of people marching steadily to the metronomic
Beat of the flashing green and red lights
A constant reminder of our mortality, our institution
I wondered if everyone just stopped, still,
with a breath clinging on to their chests, would the beat go on
an echo in the crowded stillness
I wondered if the swarms would gradually dissipate
After the crescendo of the day
Or perhaps if I looked away
It would open up some new gateway
And suddenly everything would go backwards
I wondered, would time lose its relevance
If I just closed my eyes long enough
If I just froze an exhale on my lips
If I just shut out the outside
Would it even still exist?
Would the world go blank
Like etch-a-sketch
Easily created and with a simple shake, easily erased
And if so, would I be able to etch another
A fish tank for me to look into for a while
And watch as its inhabitants accept its glassy prison but don’t dare to grow wings and I grow weary
Until i just close my eyes
Until I just hold my breath
Until I just don’t think and let the whole thing sink
So I sat at the window and waited
So I just sat at the window and waited for
Another day
From a dinner party
We wine
And we dine
And we inhale our way through time and
Our pockets become credit
Spent on hesitant plates
Where every bite tastes of cash
Chewing paper which lodges
Itself in your throat and leaves your stomach empty
And your mind screaming for more than this
And you want to engage but your ears are cotton wool and your soul so far
Your hand reaches for another sip of pennies to hallucinate your happiness
Contrived words forcibly fumble from your mouth and you wonder if others can tell
Wonder what your empty words must taste like as they pass from between your lips and as you do breathe weighted sounds of "how are you?" And "I'm ok" when you know that you're not
When you know that something just doesn't fit
The connection doesn't sit
Right
Anymore
For in that moment there is no release
And you succumb to defeat
And you wonder if he loves you
And you wonder if you love yourself
And you can't understand why she didn't
And you can't understand why she didn't
And you can't stand the talk that surrounds you and you wish to fade into the nothingness of your words and you wish to breathe lightly and exhale something sweet and you wish you could stop wishing and let it all go and stop being a half and become a whole
And yet after a while
You swallow
And you smile
Faces
When souls come out to play
And till the light of day
They dance it all away
And cast their faces into the nights decay
While daytime dwellers succumb to the powder of dreams
Making masks from memories
Formed with each instant
Time benders
Music makers
Character shakers
Flamboyant fakers
Heartbreakers
Givers and takers
Self searchers
Word worshipers
Shape shifters
Liquid lovers
And disco diamond dancers
Free to jump shadows
And lock lips with life
As hungry eyes float by
Feasting on the ecstasy of beating hearts
Pounding
Under the cloak of night’s spell
Under the veil of tales untold
Under the knowing of not knowing
Until time trickles into reality
Into glazed eyes
With the dawning of day
And creatures fumble frantically
For those faces they cast away
The roadside sellers
Ulan Bator, Mongolia
Flashes of silhouettes that pass by like blinkers
Faces that form too quickly to figure
Out in the middle of nowhere
Those specks decorate the rocky roads that carry them.
Squinting eyes can’t decipher them until they magnify and appear
By your side, framed in the outline of your windowpane.
Each figure dangles plastic filled with an uncertain entity or a questionable cup in hand.
They stand.
They perch.
They sell.
Statues that sell.
And faces; dark faces with furrowed brows protecting them from the unforgiving sun
pass by
and by.